Maladaptive Daydreaming and Social Anxiety + Strategies

If social situations leave you feeling anxious or on edge, and you find yourself retreating into your daydreams afterward (or instead)—you're not alone.

Social anxiety involves an intense fear of being judged, criticised, or embarrassed in social or performance situations. It’s not just about being shy. It can affect how you talk, move, show up online, or even make eye contact. Many people with social anxiety spend a lot of time worrying about how they come across, replaying conversations, or avoiding social contact altogether.

For those who also experience maladaptive daydreaming, daydreaming can become a coping mechanism. In your inner world, social interactions feel easier. You can be more confident, more likable, more in control - it almost feels like you can be who you would be without the anxiety and social pressures. This imagined social world may offer comfort and safety—but it can also reinforce avoidance of real-life relationships.

Over time, this can create a painful cycle:

• Real-world interactions feel risky →

• You retreat into immersive daydreams →

• You feel even more disconnected and anxious about re-engaging →

• You are left feeling isolated and lonely →

• The cycle repeats.

🧠 3 Cognitive Behavioural Therapy-Based Steps to Start Shifting the Cycle

Whilst I usually use Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) principles in my practice in accordance with other therapeutic approaches to avoid a reductionistic lens that does not dig deep enough, for social anxiety, CBT is a very helpful approach.

Below are some simple strategies often introduced early in CBT for social anxiety—and they can be helpful even if you’re not quite ready for therapy. They create opportunities for social situations to be different or to be perceived through a different lens, allowing you to have a new experience and build confidence.

1. Keep a social anxiety thought log. After a social interaction (even a small one), jot down:

• What happened

• What you feared (e.g., “They thought I was awkward”)

• What actually happened or what evidence you have

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Over time, this helps you spot thinking traps like mind-reading or catastrophising—both common in social anxiety.

2. Rate your anxiety before and after social situations.

Choose one small social task this week (e.g., replying to a message, making small talk). Before you do it, rate your anxiety from 0–10. Do it anyway, then rate your anxiety afterward. This helps you learn that anxiety often decreases naturally, even if you felt very uncomfortable at first.

3. Experiment:​
Go to a café for 20–30 minutes. Order something, sit down, and either read, journal, or simply observe your surroundings. Notice how often people actually look at you or seem to judge you.

What to Observe:

1. Do people look at you? If so, for how long?

2. What are others doing—are they even paying attention?

3. How do you feel as time passes—does the anxiety stay the same, increase, or decrease?

What You Might Learn:​
Most people are focused on their own lives. Even if someone glances your way, it’s usually brief and neutral. You may notice your anxiety decreases the longer you stay.

... And the more you do this, the easier it becomes, allowing you to expose yourself to more social situations, and therefore, have the chance to build more social connections that make your reality worth being present for.

If you're curious, you can book an initial consultation or reply to this email to ask any questions. I also wrote about therapy for maladaptive daydreaming and social anxiety on my website.