Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for ACT

When Daydreaming Becomes an Escape: Emotional Avoidance and the Cost to Meaningful Living

For many people with maladaptive daydreaming, the struggle isn't just about getting lost in fantasy—it’s about what that daydreaming is protecting them from. Often, beneath the surface of vivid, immersive inner worlds lies a quiet but persistent attempt to avoid painful thoughts, emotions, or memories. And while these internal escapes can bring short-term relief, they may also deepen long-term distress.

From a young age, many of us are taught that feeling anxious, sad, or ashamed is a sign of weakness. We're told to “stay positive” or “snap out of it.” Over time, we learn to judge uncomfortable inner experiences as problems to be solved—or worse, as defects to be hidden. For people with maladaptive daydreaming, elaborate inner worlds can become a haven from those judged, overwhelming feelings. In the short term, it makes sense: it’s safer to lose yourself in a fantasy than to sit with painful emotions or memories that feel too big to handle.

This form of emotional avoidance—also called experiential avoidance—isn’t inherently bad. In small doses, distraction can be healthy. But when avoidance becomes a chronic pattern, especially around deep and enduring sources of pain like trauma, rejection, or loneliness, it can quietly take over. For some, the inner world begins to feel more real than real life—and the outside world, with all its discomfort and unpredictability, becomes harder and harder to face.

Managing uncomfortable thoughts and feelings can even start to feel like a full-time job. Many daydreamers believe, often unconsciously, that if they can just regulate how they feel—escape the pain, the shame, the self-doubt—they’ll finally be ready to live the life they want. But that “ready” feeling rarely arrives. Meanwhile, their real-life goals, relationships, and values get pushed aside.

This is the hidden cost of avoidance: when we prioritize comfort over meaning, our lives start to drift away from the things that truly matter. The daydreaming itself isn’t the enemy—it’s the way it can function as a barrier between us and the rich, messy, courageous process of real-life living.

The alternative isn't to give up daydreaming completely, nor to force ourselves into emotional discomfort without support. It’s to gently begin turning toward our inner world with curiosity instead of fear—and to take small, value-driven steps, even when discomfort is present.

Living with emotional pain is hard. But living without connection to what matters is often harder.

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